


Sober

by SheeWolf85



Series: Vibe Check [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, Language, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Recovery, love and support, supportive Edge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:08:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheeWolf85/pseuds/SheeWolf85
Summary: Slim has been sober for nearly six months when he slips and buys some drugs. Despite knowing that Edge is going to leave him when he finds out, he can't quite convince himself that taking the pills will make everything okay. It never has before. He always comes back down. Reality is a bitch, and nothing ever takes it away forever.But maybe Edge isn't as dead-set on that ultimatum as he seemed?
Relationships: Edge/Slim, Papyrus/Papyrus (Undertale), spicyBBQ, spicymaple
Series: Vibe Check [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919458
Comments: 18
Kudos: 50





	Sober

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, um, hi? *waves awkwardly* I'm hoping to have some actual time to write more and be more involved with fandom now that both my mom's and my apartments have been remodeled. The past month has been a long succession of "2020 strikes again" days and let me just tell you, guys, I'm so done. Let's move on.
> 
> This isn't technically part of the Vibe Check series, but it also kinda is because it was heavily inspired by the song Sober by Pink. Or P!nk. Whatevs. 
> 
> It's also an early birthday present for SansyFresh! Happy birthday, hun, I hope you have an awesome day when it gets here.
> 
> For those of you who may not have read the tags, there's a big ol' massive warning for past drug use, struggling with addiction, pills, and some very nasty intrusive thoughts. Please keep yourselves safe. 
> 
> On the flip side, we also have loving support, so there's that! Edge is a good bean.
> 
> With that, I hope you all enjoy!

He’d been sober now for five months, three weeks, two days, and ten hours. He’d memorized every single thing from that day, every second, had watched the clock for four hours after Edge walked out. 

Having a selectively photographic memory really fucking sucked sometimes. He could remember some things in such incredible detail for years, and at the same time forget what his brother had asked him to do ten minutes ago. 

What the fuck was wrong with him? 

Yeah, no, don’t answer that.

Slim ran both hands over his skull and let out a deep sigh. He’d always known this would happen. He’d been doing so good, staying on top of his life for the first time ever, so naturally he had to go and fuck it up in the most spectacular way possible. 

The baggie of five little white pills sat on the table in front of him, promising sweet release from all of his pains, both physical and emotional. He wanted it so badly, but he knew what this meant. The moment those pills hit his system, Edge was gone for good. 

Slim sniffled and shook his head to himself. That was wrong. Edge was already gone for good. Slim had lost him the moment he made the decision to seek out the pusher. Just because Edge didn’t know yet wasn’t any call for celebration. He’d find out, even if it was when he got home and found Slim high out of his mind. 

What was he doing? This was a mistake. He knew it, deep in his soul. He didn’t want to take these pills, not really. What he wanted was a release from all of the emotional turmoil crushing his soul under its weight. He wanted to forget, but it never lasted forever. He’d eventually remember only to take more pills, over and over and over, until he took it too far and his brother had to bring him back from the brink of death. 

The drug might have changed over the years, but the scenario was always the same, both under the mountain and on the surface, and it wasn’t until Edge came along and he fell in love that he had any kind of motivation to try to stop. 

How Razz forgave him for not considering his own brother reason enough would always confuse him. He hated himself, deeper than he could even comprehend, that Razz was still not enough. His brother was a given constant, always was and always would be. Nothing Slim had ever done was enough to push him away. Oh, he’d get angry and hurt and would yell and curse and, on one horrifically memorable occasion, cry, but he never failed to pick Slim up off his sorry ass and nurse him back to health. 

Vacantly, Slim wondered if this time might be different. Edge would undoubtedly kick him out, if not tonight then in the morning. Would Razz accept him back into his home, or would he turn him away in disgust? 

Slim surely deserved to be turned away. He deserved to die alone in a gutter somewhere. Everyone in his life would be so much better off without him; they wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore, not whether he was safe or if he was going to call and ask for money. 

He closed his eyes tightly, felt the built-up tears slip down his cheekbones, and tried to stifle a sob. Why was he like this? Why couldn’t he just be normal? He and Edge had just had an argument, a stupid little spat. Normal people didn’t go out and buy drugs when they fought with their boyfriend; they dealt with the situation like an adult. 

He supposed it was more than that, though. They’d fought because Slim was getting messy again, leaving his shit everywhere instead of putting it away, and he was too stupid to just agree to try to clean up after himself better. No, he had to argue, because it wasn’t like Edge didn’t already work close to sixty hours a week on top of doing most of the chores like laundry and cooking. Slim was trying to do more around the house, that was true, and maybe he was getting sloppy because he was trying to do more, but if he had just used his god-forsaken brain, he’d have been able to see that Edge wasn’t getting after him. He was only asking that Slim try a little harder. That was it. It wasn’t an unreasonable request. 

Slim sat up and wiped his face with his sleeve. He needed to decide what he was going to do. Every molecule in his body was screaming for him to take the pills and get the release, worry about the rest later. But that naggy little voice in the back of his skull that he’d always chosen to ignore was screaming a hell of a lot louder. It said he needed to get rid of them, make up some excuse for the missing money, and pretend this never happened. 

But then his soul churned with guilt over trying to hide something like this. This wasn’t something like a cookie before dinner to ruin his appetite. Edge had given him an ultimatum -- him or the drugs. Slim had chosen Edge. To even consider drugs now was worse than cheating. That he went out and bought them was...Slim didn’t even know. He couldn't think of any possible way he could have betrayed Edge more thoroughly. 

It wouldn’t matter whether he took them now or not. He’d taken Edge’s trust in him and smashed it to pieces, and nothing he could do now would fix it. He could apologize, he could promise to do better, he could cry and beg and whine, but he knew it would all be worthless. Edge would find out, one way or another, and when he did, Slim would be kicked out on his ass and Edge would never speak to him again. He’d said so, months ago when Slim chose him. He’d made it so brilliantly clear that if Slim ever put drugs over him again, he’d be gone. 

If he took the pills, he could forget for a little while. He could pretend that everything was fine; he’d feel great and untouchable. 

But it wouldn’t last, and he could honestly say he was afraid of what would happen when he came back down. 

There was something, some voice somewhere in Slim’s consciousness, that considered what it might be like to be able to say he’d stayed sober. He’d still lose Edge, that was a given, but what would it be like to be able to look back on this and say he hadn’t taken the pills. Could he allow himself to be proud? He wasn’t sure, but there was something appealing to the idea. Edge might not ever forgive him, but maybe they could stay on speaking terms if he could say he hadn’t given in all the way. 

Would it be worth it? 

He still wasn’t sure what the answer was when he heard the garage door open. Fuck. He should have spent this time packing instead of agonizing over an inevitability. Maybe Edge would let him come back tomorrow morning to get his stuff. Even if he didn’t, it wouldn’t be the first time Slim had lost everything because he chose drugs. 

He swallowed hard and tried to decide what he was going to do. He was so, so tempted to hide the little baggie and pretend for a few minutes like everything was fine just so he could get a kiss. The last few months living with Edge had been a heaven Slim never knew could exist. Sleeping next to Edge, getting kisses and hugs and so much love every day…

Fuck, what had he done? Tears fell anew as his soul broke all over again. He loved Edge so much, but of course it hadn’t been enough. Slim was too broken to keep any of this, and Edge deserved so much better than him. 

The door opened, and Slim couldn’t help but wrap his arms around himself, an attempt at holding out reality for just a little longer. He leaned down to rest his forehead on the table, eyes closed as he waited for Edge to come in and see the pills there. His body was shaking, nausea threatening, and he clenched his jaw against it. 

“Slim?”

Edge’s voice was soft, concerned, and Slim hunched tighter into himself. He wanted to let that voice soothe him, wanted to have it for just a moment, but he couldn’t. 

“Slim, are you okay?”

Something between a laugh and cry strangled its way out of Slim’s throat. He wasn’t okay, not even in the same universe as okay, and it was all his own fault. 

Edge’s hand on his shoulder had always been an anchor to keep him grounded, keep his mind from wandering too far, a loving touch that Slim craved as much as the kisses. Slim clung to the sensation, willed himself to remember this brief moment when Edge still cared. 

He felt the moment Edge saw the pills. He felt it both in the way Edge’s fingers tensed on his shoulder, and in the way the air around them tightened. The entire world was deathly silent for several long minutes, and as the seconds ticked by, Slim wished it could last forever. Could he be suspended here in this moment, Edge’s hand on his shoulder, standing silently beside him, for the rest of eternity? It would surely be better than anything that might come next. 

But of course the moment had to end. 

“Look at me,” Edge ordered, his voice no longer soft and caring, but hard and demanding. When he didn’t immediately comply, Edge sat in the chair next to him and said it again. “Look at me, Slim.”

He did, reluctantly. He had known he’d never see Edge look at him fondly again, would never get to see his secret smiles or the laughter in his eye lights, but realizing now that hatred would be the last expression Edge would give him was breaking him all over again. 

It wasn’t hatred on Edge’s features, though. Slim wasn’t sure what the urgency on his face meant. 

“i’m so sorry,” he managed to whisper. He wouldn't get forgiveness, but that didn’t mean he could leave without Edge knowing he regretted his decisions. 

“What are they?” Edge asked. 

Slim could pretend he didn’t know what Edge meant, but playing stupid wouldn’t get him anywhere good. He swallowed hard against a thick lump in his throat and sucked in a deep breath to steady his nerves as he spoke. 

“benzos,” was all he could get out. 

“How many did you take?”

He had been so prepared for Edge to kick him out that he never considered that his boyfriend would want to make sure he was okay first. Edge might not want to be with him anymore, might wish he’d never wasted the last few months on Slim’s sorry ass, but he wasn’t so much of an asshole that he’d literally toss a potentially dying monster out onto the street. His concern  _ hurt,  _ so much more than Slim was ready to take. 

He shook his head as best he could. “i didn’t...i…” He couldn't even speak through the pain. He sucked in a shaky breath, letting in out in a series of half-controlled sobs before trying again. “i didn’t take any,” he finally managed to say.

Edge looked at him for a moment, stared hard, but Slim couldn't meet his eye lights. There was judgement in there, he knew it. 

“Slim, please look at me,” Edge said, his voice soft again. It was unexpected enough that Slim did look. Edge’s fingers under his chin held him there as he looked, probably trying to decide how truthful he was being. “Why didn’t you take any?”

Swallowing hard, Slim tried his best to answer. “i don’t know,” he said, only a half-truth. “i thought...if i could say i didn’t...then maybe…” He couldn't finish that line of thought. It was too stupid; Edge would laugh at him and tell him he was delusional. 

But Edge didn’t press for more. He nodded and reached out with his other hand to take Slim’s cold fingers in his. “When did you get these?”

Slim gripped Edge’s fingers as tightly as he dared and for a brief, terrifying moment, let himself hope that maybe Edge didn’t hate him. “around one-ish,” he admitted, staring down at their hands together, Edge’s gloved one holding his gently. 

“Today?” Edge asked. Slim could only nod, and he saw Edge give a nod of his own through his peripheral vision. “You’ve had these for about five hours and haven’t taken any. Slim, do you know how impressive that is?”

He had to have heard that wrong. He looked up at Edge then and tried to figure out what he’d actually said. There was nothing there, no clue in Edge’s features. He only looked on with a soft expression and actual love shining in his eye lights. “what?” 

“It’s one thing to stay sober when you don’t have easy access to your vice, but here you are, sitting with them right in front of you, and you resisted. I’ve been so proud of you these last few months, Slim, but this…” 

He trailed off, and despite the words he’d actually said, Slim’s imagination took a dark turn with what he might have said next. Edge had been so proud of him, sure, but now he’d ruined it. 

“i’m so sorry, edge,” he breathed, trying to take his hand back, to hunch in on himself further and shut out everything but his shame. 

Edge held on tighter and leaned in closer. “No, Slim, you don’t need to apologize to me. I’m trying to tell you that I’m so proud of you, and thank you, thank you for not taking them. I can’t even imagine how hard this must have been for you.”

New tears gathered in his sockets and began to slip down his cheekbones. He wasn’t sure if they were from relief, fear, or frustration. “but i bought them.”

Edge scooted his chair closer and held Slim’s hands in both of his. “Yes, you did, and we will need to talk about that, but right now I think it’s more important that you know I’m not angry with you.” 

Slim’s brow furrowed as a quiet sob tore itself from his chest. “how? you told me...you gave me a choice.”

He didn’t know what to do when Edge stood up and all but scooped him out of his seat. He clung to Edge, shoved his face into Edge’s shoulder over his suit jacket and just squeezed his sockets shut. This was too much. He’d expected Edge to hate him, to demand he leave, but here he was saying he was proud? This wasn’t real. Maybe he’d taken the pills and this was all a nice dream that he’d eventually wake up from. If so, he wished he’d never wake up. Let him die to have this dream where Edge still loved him. 

He was jostled when Edge sat down on the couch and cradled him closer. Edge’s arms were strong around him, holding him securely. He’d always felt safe in Edge’s arms. Nothing could touch him here; he could hide from the whole world and Edge would protect him. 

“It’s okay, Slim,” he heard Edge say softly against the top of his skull. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I did give you an ultimatum, and I can’t express how sorry I am that I did. I made you afraid that if you ever slipped up or relapsed that I’d leave you, and that’s not true. I only wanted you to try harder to get sober. You kept saying you were trying and I couldn’t see how hard it was for you.” 

He was quiet for a moment, and Slim could only lay against him and breathe as Edge rubbed his back. 

He pressed a kiss to Slim’s head before speaking again. “You have been doing so, so amazingly well, Slim, and I’m so proud of you every single day. This isn’t even a relapse; you bought the pills, but that’s not the same as taking them. I love you, Slim. I love you so much, and this is just one small reason why.” 

He felt so lost. He was so sure he knew what to expect, but even as happy as he wanted to be that it hadn’t happened, he didn’t know what to do next. He couldn't just thank Edge for being okay with this shit and move on like nothing had happened. 

“what do i do?” he asked, hoping Edge could give him some kind of guidance. Maybe it was selfish of him to ask for help like this when he’d already fucked up so badly. 

Edge hugged him lightly. “Why don’t we rest for a while, maybe watch a movie or something to distract you from today, and when you’re feeling better we can get rid of the pills and figure out something for dinner.”

“can we do that now? get rid of them, i mean.” A voice in the back of his skull said he should just go along with whatever Edge said, but he knew, deep down, that he wouldn’t be able to relax until the pills were gone. 

“Yes, of course we can. Are you ready?”

Oh, he was not ready. Not by a long shot. But, he was ready to start working on getting back to something like normal, so he nodded and let Edge help him back up to his feet. He let Edge handle the little baggie as they took it to the bathroom. Edge had explained before that flushing the medicines was best and wouldn’t harm the ecosystem, especially with the small amount that was going down. 

Slim’s fingers shook as he watched Edge open the baggie. He clenched his fists to keep from reaching out to grab it. He needed to let them go. This was for the best. 

Once the pills were flushed and gone, Edge tossed the baggie into the small trash can by the sink and let the way back out to the living room. 

“How do you feel?” he asked, pulling Slim into a soft hug.

Slim shrugged. “like i just wasted a bunch of money.” The pills were not cheap and he didn’t have a high to show for it. 

But Edge pushed back just enough to look at him. “Money is inconsequential. It wouldn’t do any good to tell you not to feel too guilty over it, so I won’t say that, but perhaps you’d like to make it up to me?”

Slim looked up at him and nodded. That was Edge’s money he’d spent on drugs, after all. He didn’t have a job, no way to make his own money to waste on shit like that, and he was pretty damn adamant that he wouldn’t even if he did have a job. Not anymore. He was done. 

Edge smiled and kissed him softly. “Help me make dinner tonight?”

He made a face and pulled back just a little. Oh, how he adored the subtle laughter in Edge’s eye lights. “i hate cooking; you know that.”

Edge smirked. “I do know that, but I enjoy it, and I enjoy spending time with you. It’s a win-win scenario for me.”

Feeling like he might actually be okay somehow, Slim shuffled forward enough to hug Edge hard and pressed his face to his chest, letting out a content sigh when Edge hugged him back. 

“okay, i’ll help, but in a little while. you said something about watching a movie?”

“Yes. Let me change first, then we’ll relax for a while.” 

Slim nodded and let Edge slip away from him. As he changed, Slim went to the living room to pick out a movie. They sat together on the couch, a blanket wrapped around the both of them while Slim rested in Edge’s arms. He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten so lucky, but he wasn’t going to push it again. 

They still had a lot of things to talk about, but they were going to be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you're all staying safe and seeking help if you need it!


End file.
